My nickname is kelly. I'm a 40yr old mom of two beautiful little girls, two guinea pigs and a hamster(Rocky)~ICU nurse~cancer survivor~recovering addict~ex-smoker~living
in Calgary, Alberta.....
.... or...
just another sheep searching for the meaning of life and everlasting
happiness....
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
When i find it i'll be sure to let you know though ;)~~~~~~~~
B L O G - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - Blog Archives
Updates/Announcements
Currently i don't know if i'm going to maintain
my blog on a daily basis but i am going to blog ACC (cancer) updates - the
original reason for creating my webpage and blog. *Hugs* to my friends and i wish
anyone looking for information about cancer on behalf of themselves or friends
and family all the best on your journey. ~kelly sXe
"With happy
thoughts,
faith and trust and
a sprinkling of fairy dust"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, December 14, 2002
It's taking me forever to fall asleep lately. Then i seem to wake up a dozen times a night. Sometimes i fall back asleep right away and sometimes i don't. I get thinking and it keeps me awake. Last night was the same.
I've been getting these anxiety attacks lately. Ya know where your heart starts pounding and it feels like it's sitting in someone's hands being squeezed... my stomach fills with butterflies like i'm on the starting block at the edge of a pool waiting to begin a race at a swim meet like back in high school... then my stomach feels like it's squeezing itself into a little ball and i just want to be sick.
It's really weird cause i'm not the anxious type. I'm usually too laid back and i blow most things off. It's not about the cancer. Lung mets wouldn't bother me that much... they would likely take a few years before they grew and multiplied enough to cause me problems and need treatment. And the lump in my mouth... well I'm not thrilled at the idea of needing more surgery especially on the inside of my mouth. That would make eating and talking most unpleasant... altho been there done that too... and besides i don't know what it is yet so that's not causing me much grief either at the moment.
Yesterday was a rather tumultuous day that ended quietly if not quite perfectly. Bloggin was definately not on the agenda. Thankfully the kids are at my parents again.
I still have a few xmassy things left to do... but little desire to do them. Good thing i got the bulk of it done while i was feeling good.
We have another xmas party to go tonight and i'm not really into going to that either. At least there will be a few close friends at this one and not just work associates.
On the upside we got this huge xmas basket left on our doorstep last night. One of hubs contractors left it apparently... my god it's gotta be worth $300... it's amazing... it's got everything you could possibly think of... all sorts of chocolates and cookies and wine and specialty tea and coffee etc. and the kids are gonna go nuts when they see it. :)
That perked me up for awhile... just like when i read sweet comments on my blog from old friends and new. Thanx guys. :))
susi
10:21 AM
"I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name i recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says:
Wake up my love.
You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that."
- -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
-----------------------------------
"You're an interesting species... an interesting mix.
You're capable of such
beautiful dreams...and such horrible nightmares."
- -- Contact
C A N C E R S T U F F
accoi - adenoid cystic
carcinoma organization international
