My nickname is kelly. I'm a 40yr old mom of two beautiful little girls, two guinea pigs and a hamster(Rocky)~ICU nurse~cancer survivor~recovering addict~ex-smoker~living
in Calgary, Alberta.....
.... or...
just another sheep searching for the meaning of life and everlasting
happiness....
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
When i find it i'll be sure to let you know though ;)~~~~~~~~
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Updates/Announcements
Currently i don't know if i'm going to maintain
my blog on a daily basis but i am going to blog ACC (cancer) updates - the
original reason for creating my webpage and blog. *Hugs* to my friends and i wish
anyone looking for information about cancer on behalf of themselves or friends
and family all the best on your journey. ~kelly sXe
"With happy
thoughts,
faith and trust and
a sprinkling of fairy dust"
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Thursday, October 24, 2002
It feels like forever since i sat and talked with someone about how i really feel about life....about my life... no wonder i can't figure out what's goin on with me. I know i've isolated myself. That started last year with the cancer. Then it progressed when i had to give up smoking and stuff. And now? Now what? Alot of addicts become isolated because of their addiction... for me it seems the opposite.
I just feel like things aren't right. There's something missing. There are a couple of obvious answers but i'm not sure that is the whole picture. I'm probably making too much of all this... i'd better go check the calendar. PMS... what bullsh*t is that??? You don't have to worry about PMS when you're a chronic pothead. I'm really not used to the huge effect it can have on how you view life. One minute you're fine and the next you're in this emotional void.
I've been to see my counsellor... twice in the last couple weeks. Last week was great... it really rebooted my head. This week... i dunno. I don't think i'll be going back for awhile... not alone anyway. It's time to sh*t or get off the pot... so i think i'll just get off the pot for awhile. No sense wasting 130bucks to find out what i already know i should do but still not do it. Go back to school... get a job... yada yada yada. Does anyone have any idea how much i don't want to work???? Ugghhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I know she thinks i should leave. She doesn't exactly say it but it's not hard to tell. She can blow away all my excuses to stay in under 60seconds. But g*d in the end it's me that has to live with my decision. You don't just blow away 3 people's lives without damn good reason. Do i have good enough reason? That is the question.
susi
10:43 AM
"I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name i recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says:
Wake up my love.
You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that."
- -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
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"You're an interesting species... an interesting mix.
You're capable of such
beautiful dreams...and such horrible nightmares."
- -- Contact
C A N C E R S T U F F
accoi - adenoid cystic
carcinoma organization international
