My nickname is kelly. I'm a 40yr old mom of two beautiful little girls, two guinea pigs and a hamster(Rocky)~ICU nurse~cancer survivor~recovering addict~ex-smoker~living
in Calgary, Alberta.....
.... or...
just another sheep searching for the meaning of life and everlasting
happiness....
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
When i find it i'll be sure to let you know though ;)~~~~~~~~
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Updates/Announcements
Currently i don't know if i'm going to maintain
my blog on a daily basis but i am going to blog ACC (cancer) updates - the
original reason for creating my webpage and blog. *Hugs* to my friends and i wish
anyone looking for information about cancer on behalf of themselves or friends
and family all the best on your journey. ~kelly sXe
"With happy
thoughts,
faith and trust and
a sprinkling of fairy dust"
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Thursday, September 26, 2002
A Puff Away From a Pack a Day
I quit smoking again Sept 24th... just 3 days ago. I had over 5mos in before i had that first puff a little over a week ago now. I don't remember exactly what day it was or for how many days i smoked... about a week maybe. I don't really remember what i was thinking when i decided to go have that first puff. It all comes down to selling out your long term goals for short term rewards.
The first couple of days were good. I didn't think about smoking much... a couple times a day i'd remember i could have a puff if i wanted and it would perk me right up. It was something to look forward to. It took only 2 or 3 days before i was thinking about it more frequently... now i was starting to crave it... i needed it... i had to have it or i felt uncomfortable. How quickly we forget the endless cycle being addicted to nicotine causes.
I frequently hear from recovering alchoholics that their nicotine addiction was the hardest to beat out of all their addictions... but what really surprised me was hearing an ex-crack addict tell me just a few weeks ago that kicking crack was easy compared to nicotine.
I know people who have started again after not smoking for 4 or 5 years. I know people who have started again after being diagnosed with cancer(that would be me) or heart disease or who never quit in the first place. I know people with 20+ yrs of sobriety that slipped and started drinking again because of the stress of trying to quit smoking. It is without a doubt the most evil, addictive substance on the planet. The only way to escape it is to never try it.
These are not excuses... these things don't make me think i can't do it... quite the opposite in fact... these things make me more determined to do it.
It was just over 4yrs ago when i learned how truly addictive and difficult it was to stop smoking... i realised that i was going to have to approach it like an alcohol addiction or a heroin addiction... that it had to be taken THAT seriously... and that is when i became capable of quitting... then i knew just how hard i was going to have to work to kick this habit... how hard i still have to work... forget that and you'll find yourself back at square one like me. :P
"One cigarette is too many... a thousand is not enough."
susi
12:35 PM
"I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name i recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says:
Wake up my love.
You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that."
- -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
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"You're an interesting species... an interesting mix.
You're capable of such
beautiful dreams...and such horrible nightmares."
- -- Contact
C A N C E R S T U F F
accoi - adenoid cystic
carcinoma organization international
