My nickname is kelly. I'm a 40yr old mom of two beautiful little girls, two guinea pigs and a hamster(Rocky)~ICU nurse~cancer survivor~recovering addict~ex-smoker~living
in Calgary, Alberta.....
.... or...
just another sheep searching for the meaning of life and everlasting
happiness....
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
When i find it i'll be sure to let you know though ;)~~~~~~~~
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Updates/Announcements
Currently i don't know if i'm going to maintain
my blog on a daily basis but i am going to blog ACC (cancer) updates - the
original reason for creating my webpage and blog. *Hugs* to my friends and i wish
anyone looking for information about cancer on behalf of themselves or friends
and family all the best on your journey. ~kelly sXe
"With happy
thoughts,
faith and trust and
a sprinkling of fairy dust"
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Thursday, September 19, 2002
It seems like yesterday when my husbands parents decided to sell their house in Kamloops and move to Okanagan Falls to retire. They sold their house with the huge yard and swimming pool and bought a little trailer with a beautiful big garden a short walk away from one of the lakes in the area. I can't remember exactly when that was... must have been between '89 and '90... so 12 or 13 yrs ago now.
At the time it seemed like their retirement was going to last forever. It's so hard to believe that it's all over. All that planning... where to move to... what kind of house to live in... fixing up the trailer... fixing up the garden... planting all the fruit trees... all over and done with now in what seems like a heartbeat.
It's been a long time since anyone close to me died. My hubby's little sister died in 1990 but we were so young ourselves at the time. It was different somehow. It was tragic because she too was so young... only 23... but it didn't bring with it that feeling that a huge part of my life was about to end.
I don't know... i can't really describe how different this feels. Maybe i was just used to people dying at that time. I was working in trauma and death was a normal part of my day. I hadn't had cancer by then either so i really hadn't had to face the possibility that i wasn't going to be around this earth quite as long as i had originally planned.
Now i know that feeling of sadness when you realise how very much it's going to hurt to leave the people you love and how much it's going to hurt them to lose you. Thank God things weren't as bad for me as they originally thought when i was first diagnosed.
It was around the time i was diagnosed with cancer that i realised how hugely important the decision my mom and dad made to quit smoking truly was. It's been more than ten years since they quit... and i am so very grateful they did because i know without a doubt that my mom would not still be here if she hadn't. So many things she would have missed out on... so many things my kids would have missed... i would have missed.
It is so easy to push realities like that away when you are addicted. If all people could feel... if even for only a few seconds... what it feels like to think you're going to die within the next year they would live such healthy lives... well ok maybe not :P... i still struggle with living a healthy lifestyle... the only difference is now i will never give up trying... and maybe it is a little easier for me because i know that sinking, horrible feeling you get when you think it's all going to be over and much, much sooner than you thought... and worse yet maybe you could have prevented it.
My mom works hard at being healthy. She doesn't smoke... she exercises every day no matter how ill she feels... she knows everything there is to know about the food she eats... she forces my dad to go to the doctor with every concern... lol... (he would not be here either if she hadn't done that)... and i am so so glad she does. My parents are such a huge part of mine and my kids lives... i owe it to my kids to live a healthy life... and i owe it to myself. Now the key is to remember that every day and live accordingly.
susi
10:09 AM
"I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name i recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says:
Wake up my love.
You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that."
- -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
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"You're an interesting species... an interesting mix.
You're capable of such
beautiful dreams...and such horrible nightmares."
- -- Contact
C A N C E R S T U F F
accoi - adenoid cystic
carcinoma organization international
