The Party's Over~~

2010-01-04T12:58:00.002-07:00

Still here ;)

2007-08-07T11:47:00.000-06:00

Another year gone by and another year lived without drugs or alcohol :)I will be 4yrs clean this November and it's now 3yrs 7 mos without smoking.It's been 6yrs since i was diagnosed with cancer and again things look fine right now. ------------I'm currently living alone with my two girls, two guinea pigs and my new little puppy Sammy. I'm working as an RN again.Hope you're all doing well out

2007-08-07T11:41:00.000-06:00

Another year gone by and another year clean :DIt will be 4yrs without drugs or alcohol this November and it is now 3yrs 7mos without smoking. :)

2006-08-20T11:59:00.000-06:00

Hey :)I've been clean and sober 2yrs and 9mos. Haven't smoked in 2yrs 7mos. :))))))))Who woulda thunk eh? :DCancer free for now as well as far as i know. :)

2005-08-23T16:13:00.000-06:00

Hey Tom... ;) ...huggs

2005-08-18T02:41:00.000-06:00

Someone is writing abusive comments and so the new blog is gone and i will not be blogging again. Anyone who would like to stay in touch please email me. Thx

2005-01-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

Was looking around and found some old cam pics. They're kinda cute... and from a much happier time... oct 2002... ... or maybe not... i dunno... sure wasn't aware of the huge f&cking nitemare my life was to become at that time... ... i feel like i'm a hundred these days... weighed down by a whole lotta baggage... hard to believe it was only 2 years ago. ... i have a really kewl friend that

2004-12-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

Rocky died... :(((((((((( My daughter's page...

2004-12-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas everyone... hugggs

2004-12-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

Cher (This Is) A Song For The Lonely When you're standing on the edge of nowhere There's only one way up So your heart's got to go there Through the darkest night See the light shine bright When hero's fall, in love or war They live forever [Chorus:] This is a song - for the lonely Can you hear me tonight For the broken hearted, battle scared I'll Be by your side And this is a song - for the

2004-12-24T11:37:00.001-07:00

This is one of the funniest f&ckin things i've seen in a long time..

2004-12-10T01:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Verna... :) My cancer clinic dentist appt not so good. They wanted me to cut back the fluoride to every second day last time i was there and now i have at least one cavity... possibly 3. I'm a little p*ssed about it actually... i was much better at doing the fluoride when i was doing it every nite.. hell i didn't miss one night in 3 yrs. Now of course they want me to go back to every

2004-11-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

Got a 100% on my last exam today. :))))))))))) I was worried i wouldn't pass... Haven't heard anything about the chest xray yet. Funny... before i wrote my exam i'm thinking... please g&d let me pass this one... just let me pass... once i'd written it i thought omg what am i doing... i should be praying about my flippin chest xray... duhhhhhh.

2004-11-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

Wrote my third exam today... got 90%. One more to go before the end of November. Still working out twice a day most days... just don't have time to talk about it.

2004-11-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

In solitude I do much, in love I do more, but in doubt I only transfer pain to paper in gigantic Passion Plays complete with miracles and martyrs and crucifixions and resurrections.

2004-11-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

I have a nodule in the base of my right lung. There's a chance it could be a shadow so i've had the chest xray redone to see if it's really there or not. I feel a hundred times better now i know what i'm dealing with. Damn docs... thought they were gonna tell me i had a hundred little freakin metastatic tumors or one big huge inoperable tumor... f&ck me.

2004-11-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

Most of you know not much freaks me out... but... my family doc wants me in to discuss the results of the chest xray i had done about ten days or so ago... i feel soooo anxious... g&d i haven't felt like this since i went and got the results of my bone scan a couple years ago. Uggghhh my stomach is just turning... f&ck... it's never good news when they want to go over a test result in the

2004-11-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Jeez that weekend went fast... monday already. Doesn't feel like a monday though cause my kids are at home. Well i gotta run take back a vid... Van Helsing... and maybe grab a couple bags of fish rocks on the way back... okay well it's not exactly on the way back... more like a detour... l8r... :P

2004-10-30T16:22:00.000-06:00

I got a fish tank today... :)) ... 20 gallons. Can't wait to get some

2004-10-29T23:19:00.000-06:00

I don't remember the last time i felt as happy as i did earlier today... :)))) I went and wrote my first exam this morning and got a hundred percent... :)) I didn't kill off ALL my brain cells after all. Wow was i surprised... wasn't expecting that. You have to write the test and then go and enter your answers on a computor... they're showing me how to do it and asking me if i know how to use

2004-10-25T17:38:00.000-06:00

Things are going good. Working out is going great. Still working out twice a day most days. It's gonna take me awhile to figure out the food thing so i can drop all the weight i need to. For now i'm the fittest fat person in calgary...

2004-10-25T17:19:00.000-06:00

Making the transition from Toronto to Calgary could be difficult for Imperial Oil Ltd. head office types. To ease their culture shock, here is a survival guide to Calgary. 1. Upon arrival at Calgary airport, you will be taken into a small room and frisked for rats. Some of the guys from Alberta's fabled "rat patrol" don't smell that good, crawling around as they do in grain bins out on the

2004-10-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

Had my cancer clinic appt a couple days ago. Finally got the xray i was supposed to get months ago when they reordered another one... :P Still have a couple other tests i was supposed to get done to take care of yet. Anyway, everything went fine there and i go back in another 6mos now. He kinda gave me sh&t in his usual nice way for not doing the mouth exercises. Dammit and i'd totally

2004-10-02T23:50:00.000-06:00

I must conquer my loneliness alone. I must be happy with myself or I have nothing to offer. Two halves have little choice but to join, and yes, they do make a whole. But two wholes, when they coincide . . . that is beauty. That is love. --------------Love 101

2004-09-14T09:22:00.000-06:00

Dear God. So far today I haven't called anyone names, had any alcohol or cigarettes, abused my children, cheated or lied. But I'm goin to get out of bed soon and will need all the help I can get.

2004-09-12T21:39:00.000-06:00

Sometimes i just gotta laugh at myself. I hate everyone who contributed to where i am now? Like what... for being healthier than i've been in years?... for having goals?... going back to school?... having the best friends i ever had?... not doing drugs for 10mos... not smoking for 8mos... yea where's the f*cking b&stards responsible for all this sh&t? LOL

2004-09-12T10:35:00.000-06:00

Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i am so f&cking lonely sometimes i don't know what to do with myself. It would be so nice to smoke a big fat joint and forget about everything for just a little while... even a pack of smokes would be nice. G&d if i thought i could stop at just one i'd do it. Sometimes i just f&cking hate everyone and everything that contributed to where i am now. Yes i know that's f&

2004-09-04T01:42:00.000-06:00

A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?" "I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day", she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no

2004-08-29T11:14:00.000-06:00

Got my 9mos tag last week. Been 7mos for smoking. I don't go to my smoking thing anymore... it's kinda like the coconuts... sitting around talking about the specific thing you're addicted to just makes you crave it i started to notice so i stopped going. It's depressing too... alot of people sitting around whining about how they can't quit... and not alot about how to quit. Funny how you

2004-08-19T23:45:00.000-06:00

Same sh&t... different day. Bought a new cage for Rocky... that makes 5... that'll keep me busy trying to figure out how i'm gonna attach the new one. Felt sorry for the guineas... Rocky has 20 times the room to roam if you take into account how tiny he is compared to the pigs. So i hit home depot today and bought more stuff to start making an addition to the pig palace. :) You'd never know

2004-08-14T19:50:00.000-06:00

Saturday, August 14:You might bump into an interesting stranger -- but he or she won't be a stranger for long, and will be intelligent enough to provide you with more than a passing distraction. I'm still waiting.....

2004-08-14T10:24:00.000-06:00

Damn gf's kept me busy playing poker half the nite... sheeesh. My sponsor just laughs at me... she's knows i'm just itchin to get the hell outta there. Got tons done around the condo lately. Even the basement is almost tidy now. Time to add another level to Rockys palace i think. I'd like to run that hamster tubing all over the baement... lol. G*d i love being a grownup and able to do whatever

2004-08-13T10:44:00.000-06:00

Swimming is done... the girls are up another level. My ten year old is looking pretty damn good these days... i was surprised how much she improved in just a week... i was talking to her about it and said it was amazing how her instructor would tell her something and she actually did it. She said well it's all the dance i've done... you've gotta pay attention and do what they tell you or it's

2004-08-12T08:23:00.000-06:00

Life is good... :))) Yea ok so i'm having a good week... :P Taking the kids swimming every morning this week for lessons... g*d it's nice down there at 9am... we go to the outdoor pool... sure wish they'd let just me go swimming for an hour when i see that empty pool...

2004-08-06T10:59:00.000-06:00

Love this song... fave of the month for sure The Reason- Hoobastank I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new and the reason is you I'm sorry that I hurt you It's

2004-08-06T10:37:00.000-06:00

Things are good. In fact things are really good amazingly enough. Okay so i'm having a couple of good days... :P Finished my step one with L last night. She's a smart lady. Dunno if anyone else coulda really helped me. She doesn't only know the program she knows what it's all about for me. That's the difference. She knows how to get to the heart of what's been going on... why i've done

2004-08-04T10:36:00.000-06:00

Thank f&cking g*d i found the drill bit screwdriver attachment thingy's. I had them all the time and never knew it. 14 f&cking 4inch screws for the table top.. a handful of blisters later and i find the screwdriver heads...

2004-08-04T01:46:00.000-06:00

This is way too much f&cking furniture to have to put together on my own... j&sus.

2004-08-03T13:06:00.000-06:00

Had to scramble to get someone to chair the nooner this morning. Kinda lost track of time while i was unpacking boxes and the fact i really couldn't do it cause i have the kids this week. Turns out J is horribly sick today with a cold and couldn't do it like we'd planned. Luckily our friend P is living with her now and he said he'd do it. Dropped the stuff he needs for the meeting off at her

2004-08-02T18:15:00.000-06:00

Okay i don't have mono... no big surprise there i suppose. I feel sick cause i cold turkeyed the pills i was on apparently. Hit the docs this morning for something unrelated and how i've been feeling is classic withdrawal cr*p. I'm a nurse... i should kinda know this stuff but one of my bestfriends having mono kinda threw me off... :P J is back after two weeks in BC. I've really missed her.

2004-07-31T12:55:00.000-06:00

I've just done a self diagnosis and i think i have mono... maybe. Friend of mine is just getting over it. It would kinda fit... fever... headaches... tired... not hungry. Dunno where the nausea fits in but it's not like it's severe... i'm not puking or anything like that. What a f&cking time to get mono if that is what it is. Course i'm just guessing... i don't really have a clue... just reminded

2004-07-30T16:54:00.000-06:00

I'm sick. I can't f&cking take all this stuff every flippin day. I'm like getting burned out from all the stress and sh&t... the late nights... all the f&ckin boxes everywhere... the girls wanting me to go out all the time... force feeding antibiotics to a hamster thru a syringe twice a day for the next month... feeding all these f*cking animals... feeding me or not feeding me as is the case

2004-07-29T23:25:00.000-06:00

Well my sponsor has something planned for every f&cking nite my kids are away. J&sus f&cking... blah blah. You'd think she was trying to keep me outta trouble or somethin. Me get into trouble? ha. Did the tuesday night meeting with L my sponsor... after we had supper. I blew off last nights meeting but then ended up with K, L and D by ten anyway after i was done falling apart. Did the

2004-07-29T23:20:00.000-06:00

Rocky the wonder hamster... The hamster looks awesome... he looks way better now than he did after the first surgery. I just love him to pieces... omg he is so cute.

2004-07-28T16:16:00.000-06:00

Some days i just want to give up... today is one of them.

2004-07-27T16:47:00.000-06:00

The hamster saga continues................ Rocky the wonder hamster had to be rushed back to the vet. His incision came open... what do they call that... dehisced?... okay i think i totally didn't spell that right but it's amazing i even remember the word. It was not kewl anyway. The calgary north animal hospital is f&cking awesome. They got me in in like 20min from the time i phoned...

2004-07-25T23:31:00.000-06:00

Took a break from the unpacking this aft and K came over and watched a movie with me... Rat Race... good one to watch at home with a friend. My parents car got stollen from inside their garage... jeez a year ago they coulda taken everything i owned. They found it a few days later totally trashed.. 13 yr old took off from the cops and crashed into some girl who's hurt pretty bad from what i

2004-07-25T14:08:00.000-06:00

One down one to go. I finally broke down and went and got instructions for the beds from Ikea between meetings yesterday. It coulda been a month before i found mine and i can't do a thing with the kids rooms till i move the 87 parts that make up each bed. What a pain in the butt they are. Putting them together alone is not so easy but i was determined to do it alone if it killed me. What's

2004-07-24T21:00:00.000-06:00

Meeting went good... there were only 4 people there!! Now what are the chances of that? I've only done this meeting once or twice before and it's usually a zoo. Amazing how things work out alot of times. I lost my meds when i moved... so i just haven't taken them. I don't feel any different so to hell with it... i'm done with them. I woulda been stuck on those for years if i hadn't lost

2004-07-24T12:11:00.000-06:00

J*sus i still can't find the directions for the beds and there ain't a lot more boxes to go through now. Grrrrrrrr thought for sure i'd found the right box a little while ago. Well my sponsor and one of my good friends came over last night... uninvited i might add... well they have an open invitation but they hadn't seen my new place yet. Kinda goes like this... you get this phone call

2004-07-24T10:29:00.000-06:00

I gotta put the kids loft beds together for like the third time in a year. What a nitemare. Took the movers 3hrs just to get them apart. I've misplaced the directions on how to put them back together so i'm kinda screwed for now. Saturday, July 24:Someone a bit older or younger will make a dramatic entry into your life -- with more on their mind than being 'just friends.' If you're not

2004-07-23T09:12:00.000-06:00

We want and demand that things always go our way. We should know from our past experience that our way of doing things does not work.(basic text) No sh&t eh?

2004-07-23T08:43:00.000-06:00

F&ck i just can't seem to sleep in these days. Awake at 7 ish and up by 730. Almost killed the f&cking hamster last night. Was adding on one of his other cages... there's like 5 in total now... the hamster hilton we call it... and i forgot to plug all the holes... i caught him about to take a 3 foot plunge a second before he was about to go over. Omg can you imagine after everything he's

2004-07-22T18:06:00.000-06:00

Thursday, July 22: Prepare for lots of intimate conversations with kindred spirits -- and to enjoy the wonderful feeling that only comes from being in the middle of a pack of like-minded souls. That describes what i get from my 12step program exactly. It's such a wonderful feeling to finally find people as f&cked up as yourself AND who want to do something about it AND are doing it.I'd be

2004-07-22T12:47:00.000-06:00

The hamster is doing great. I'm surprised. I have to give him antibiotics every twelve hours... i guess they do give them to hamsters he just meant it wouldn't have cured the abcess without surgery. Unpacking is going good. I'm a f&cking expert at it after 4 times this year. :P I thought it might get a little overwhelming but nope not really... just keeping at it. The thought of going

2004-07-21T22:46:00.000-06:00

Well i guess it's been an interesting day. Spent three hours with my sponsor this morning. Just when you think you have all your cr&p figured out they manage to dig up more. I doubt i'll ever truly think i've got all my cr&p figured out but it's amazing the ability some people have to dig into all the nooks and crannies of your life and pull sh&t out. It helps that my sponsor just happens to

2004-07-20T18:22:00.000-06:00

The hamster lives... :)

2004-07-19T00:39:00.000-06:00

I am so f*cking tired. So why aren't i in bed you ask... hmm good question. I have to be up early to take Rockwell to the vet to have surgery. Three hundred dollars for a ten dollar hamster... uh huh. I wasn't sure they even did surgery on hamsters. Apparently they'll do anything if you pay them enough. There's a 30% chance he'll make it. F*ck i don't know how i got so attached to a

2004-07-19T00:31:00.000-06:00

Ha... tv's are nothing... did i mention treadmills? OMFG. Moving my treadmill 2 inches is like carrying a tv a half block. :P

2004-07-17T15:15:00.000-06:00

Omg i think i need knee replacements after yesterday or maybe just some good drugs. Wtf do they put inside tv's these days. Those things weigh like 80lbs. Holy sh&t it takes everything i got to lift those damn things.

2004-07-17T02:07:00.000-06:00

Omg what a long, hot day. I'm hurting all over.

2004-07-15T09:07:00.000-06:00

Uggh f&ck... i'm having nitemares again.

2004-07-14T21:42:00.000-06:00

Got early possession of my condo today. I love it. It's nicer than i remember. Haven't seen it for 3mos.

2004-07-12T19:03:00.000-06:00

If you try to teach a pig to sing, you only annoy the pig.

2004-07-12T17:01:00.000-06:00

My real friends have loved and cared for me over the last year both when i made good decisions

2003-10-20T17:22:00.000-06:00

Time for a change. Got a lot of my hair cut off today. It's taken a couple of years but what i lost during radiation has finally grown back in long enough that it's all one length. I had to get it cut pretty short to accomplish this but i like it. :) My ten year old wants her hair cut the same way next time she has it done so that's got to be a good sign... although i guess that depends on

2003-10-16T09:29:00.000-06:00

"Greatness Is Not In Where We Stand, But In what Direction We Are Moving. We Must Sail Sometimes With The Wind And Sometimes Against It - But Sail We Must, And Not Drift, Nor Lie At Anchor."

2003-10-12T09:39:00.000-06:00

It's been one month and two days. :) Two days. 29 to go.

2003-10-07T16:04:00.001-06:00

Cancer Stuff Next CAT scan Nov 19.

2003-10-07T16:04:00.000-06:00

Day twenty seven - 3 days to go

2003-10-05T00:18:00.000-06:00

A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you! Thank you for making me smile tonight.

2003-10-01T21:40:00.000-06:00

Day twenty one - 9 days to go

2003-09-24T07:42:00.000-06:00

Each place along the way is somewhere you had to be to be here.

2003-09-23T23:37:00.000-06:00

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

2003-09-15T19:56:00.000-06:00

Day five - 25 to go

2003-09-12T22:23:00.000-06:00

Today was a wash out. Went to my cancer clinic dental appointment to find out they had left me a message yesterday cancelling the appointment. Needless to say i didn't get it. That was an expensive little trip for nothing after i paid for breakfast at the hospital for me and my 4yr old and the ransom to be allowed to leave the parking lot.

2003-09-12T22:19:00.000-06:00

Day two - 28 to go